ImMitamaTurity
by Galaxy Girl
Summary: What happens when an immature person watches Blue Seed? What's that you guess? A ridiculous fanfic all centered around the same hilariously dirty joke? You'd be correct.
1. Kusanagi's Visit To The Doctor

Mitama Immaturity   
by Galaxy Girl  
  
A/N: Ohh, WOW! Blue Seed fanfiction by Galaxy Girl! ... Lord help us. -_-.   
  
Anyway, this story will only be funny if you get what the doctor thinks Kusanagi is referring to by "mitama". Think about it really hard now... It's a part of the body... Ah, it'll make more sense if you read the story.  
  
This idea was half-written by and inspired by an inside joke I've got going on with my sister, BB. That in turn was inspired by a line from Kusanagi in... oh, episode 18 or 19...  
  
"My mitamas are burning!"   
  
HAHAHAHAHA... uh... Don't read if you have any sort of maturity, or are insulted by a few plant-man jokes poking fun of Kus-Kus.   
  
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Mamoru Kusanagi wasn't usually the type of person to go to the doctor's office, and he didn't intend to start now. But there was something wrong with his mitamas that he just could not ignore anymore.   
He walked into the lobby, and tried to ignore the drooling stares of every woman in the waiting room. Shuffling up to the counter, he stuffed his hands in his pockets to hide their mitamas, and said in a low voice to the receptionist, "I need a walk-in appointment with the doctor."  
"Oh, 'course, hon," the receptionist said, once she regained control of her drooling. "Just have a seat and we'll call you when the doctor's ready."  
Kusanagi nodded and shuffled across the room, sliding into a chair against the wall. He looked at all the peaceful landscape paintings around the room, and then scanned briefly over the magazines on the table next to him.   
He picked up a Home and Garden magazine, curious about the article that suggested lovely new ways to arrange leaves on your houseplants.   
As he flipped through the magazine, the woman across the row from him caught a glimpse of the bright blue mitamas on his hands. Her eyes widened in horror, and she turned back to the cover of her Tokyo Enquirer magazine, which read:  
  
GIANT EVIL PLANTS STALK CITY!   
HA, IT'S A JOKE, SON! YOU GET IT?  
  
She proceeded to pass out.   
Now, Kusanagi would have been able to enter the exam room as soon as the next nurse came out, if only that woman hadn't passed out. That would have made the story go a lot more smoothly. But he couldn't, he didn't, and she did, and it won't. So he waited about another 20 minutes and finally, after the woman had been placed safely in the heart attack wing of the nearest hospital, a husky nurse appeared from the back room and called out, "Kusanagi? Mamoru Kusanagi? The doctor will see you now."   
  
Kusanagi entered the exam room, and had a seat on the freezing cold metal table with that weird crinkly paper stuff on it. He stuffed his hands in his pockets again, and studied a happy clown picture on the wall.   
The same husky nurse entered, carrying a clipboard. "OK, hon. Just take off your shirt so I can take your pulse and such."   
"Are you sure about that?" asked Kusanagi.   
"Well of course," the nurse scolded.   
Kusanagi shrugged and threw his trenchcoat down on the table, then pulling off his shirt, revealing the finely tuned muscles beneath, as well as a few more mitamas.   
The nurse proceeded, wide-eyed, to pull out a camera and take a picture for the collection in her office. "Thanks, hon."  
"But what about the..." Kusanagi stuttered, as the nurse slammed the door shut.   
"Put yer shirt back on for Mama, hon!" she cooed.   
He raised a few eyebrows. "OOOK..."   
  
Dr. Meisio Korama entered a few seconds later, wearing a thick pair of black glasses. "Hello, Mr. Kusanagi. A first time patient, are we?"   
Kusanagi had put his shirt back on. "Yeah," he muttered. "I don't usually trust doctors, but I've been having some trouble with my mitamas lately."  
"Your... mitamas?"  
"Yes, my mitamas." Kusanagi replied.   
"Ah... And exactly what would 'mitamas' be?"   
"Uh... Doc... my MITAMAS." He made a downward motion.   
"OOOOH. Your MITAMAS. Well y'know, Mr. Kusanagi, I'm really not that kind of doctor."  
"Yeah, I know it's unusual for someone like me to have them, but I thought that you were trained with those kinds of things."   
Dr. Korama looked confused. "Why, Mr. Kusanagi... It's not unusual at all for a man like yourself to have them. Most men do, actually."  
"Really?" Kusanagi whistled. "That's news to me!"   
The doctor set his clipboard and things down on the table next to Kusanagi, and grabbed a pen from the nearby desk to take notes. "Now, Mr. Kusanagi... These mitamas of yours. What do they look like?"  
"Well, they're really small."  
"Oh, that's not a medical problem, sir. It's just how you were built."  
"Oh. Well anyway, they're round, and blue..."  
"Blue?"  
"Yes, blue. And they're smooth and shiny."   
"Blue, smooth, and shiny?"  
"Yes. Do you speak Japanese?"  
"Certainly, sir. I'm just finding it hard to believe that yours are... ahem, blue."  
"I thought all mitamas were blue."  
"Oh no, sir, not all of them. In fact, hardly any of them are."  
"Huh. Weird."  
"OK... Anything else about them physically?"  
"They glow in the dark."  
"... They glow in the dark?"  
"Yes. Oh, but only when Arigami are around."   
Dr. Korama blinked confusedly. "OK... They glow in the dark... Are you, Mr. Kusanagi, by chance from Cherynobl?"  
"Cherynobl? In Russia? Does that really matter?"  
"Never mind... OK, now what's your problem with your mitamas, aside from the fact that they're blue?"  
"They always look like that."  
"... OK. But what's been your problem with them? Why did you come to see me?"  
"They've been burning a lot lately."  
"Burning?"   
"Yeah. Like they're on fire."  
"Do you know anyone else whose mitamas burn, Mr. Kusanagi?"  
"Oh yeah, Momiji's does too. Sometimes."   
"... Momiji?"  
"Yeah, this girl I protect all the time."   
"And she has mitamas?"  
"Only one. That was a horrible accident, the one that gave her that one single mitama..."  
The doctor raised his eyebrows. "They burn?"  
"Yeah, and shoot spikes out of my back."  
"...OK... And where on your body are your mitamas?"  
"Well... I've got three on my chest, two on my hands, and..."  
"How many mitamas do you HAVE, Mr. Kusanagi?"  
"Seven. But I can only find five of them. I don't know where the other two are."  
"..."   
"You look worried, Doc. Anything wrong?"  
"Oh no..."  
"Oh, and don't tell me I'm missing one. I know that. Murakumo tells me I'm imperfect all the time. Just because he has eight mitamas and I only have seven."  
"... SEVEN of them?"   
"Yes, seven. I know it's normal to have eight, but..."  
"Mr. Kusanagi, I don't know ANYONE who has eight mitamas."  
"Really? I know lots of people."   
"Ahem... Let's just... move on. Why do you think they burn, Mr. Kusanagi?"  
"I'm pretty sure it's because Suzano-Oh is around."   
"Who's Suzano-Oh?"   
"This annoying little twerp who's the lord of the Aragami."   
"... And what are Aragami?"  
"These annoying little plant-monster parasites who are after my mitamas."  
"Pardon me, Mr. Kusanagi, but that's really disgusting."  
"Whaddya mean? So, enough with the questions. Are you going to have a look at my mitamas?"   
"NO! NO!"  
"Why are you screaming, Doc?"  
"YOU'RE SICK, MR. KUSANAGI! ABSOLUTELY SICK!"  
"EXCUSE ME?! Dr. Korama, I've never been so insulted in all my life! I come here to your office, assuming that what I am isn't going to bother you! It's not my fault I'm part Aragami, after all!"  
"GOOD LORD, YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!"  
"I am NOT! I'm BETRAYING them by coming here! I NEED you to see my mitamas, and tell me what's wrong with them!"  
"I'm not that kind of doctor!"  
"AAGGH..." Kusanagi screams, clutching his hands in agony. "They're... They're burning again..."  
Dr. Korama backs against the wall, terrified. "NO! I DON'T WANT TO SEE THEM!"   
With this, Kusanagi rips off his shirt in disgust, pointing at one of his mitamas. "LOOK! Look how swollen it is! I need help, Doc!"   
Dr. Korama stops screaming and gasps, glimpsing Kusanagi's flashing mitama. "... OH! OOOHHH! THAT kind of mitama! Good Lord, man, why didn't you say so?"  
"I DID SAY SO!"   
"You did not!"  
"Did too! What did you think I meant?"  
The doctor paused, biting his lip. "I thought you meant..."  
"Oh, JEEZ. That's disgusting. I don't think I want to trust the health of my mitamas to such a perverted doctor!" Kusanagi snapped, rolling his eyes and putting his trenchcoat back on.  
"But I'm not-"  
"Farewell, doctor!" he growled, stomping towards the door and throwing it open, heading out into the lobby. "GET AWAY FROM ME! MY MITAMAS ARE ABOUT TO EXPLODE!"  
There was the sound of women shrieking and covering their children's eyes and ears.  
  
As Kusanagi left the doctor's office, he threw his hands in his pockets again. "What horrible people!" he cried indignantly to no one in particular.   
He leapt up onto the roof, pulling a small slip of paper out of his pocket and reading over the address, shaking his head.  
"I guess I really shouldn't have gone to a family physician that doesn't take HMOs."   
  
~END! 


	2. An Innocent TAC Slumber Party

IM-MITAMA-TURITY!  
Part Deux!   
  
A/N: OH NO. NOT AGAIN! My sister has once again inspired me to whip out the ol' mitamas (snicker snicker). Enjoy.   
  
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"It's great that you were finally able to come to Tokyo and meet all my new friends, Akiko!" Momiji smiled cheerfully, taking a sip out of a can of ceylon tea.   
"Yeah, it's really nice of Mr. Kunikida to let me come over like this," Momiji's old school friend replied, filing her fingernails. "And it's been wonderful to meet all of your new friends."  
"It's been a pleasure meeting you, too," Matsudaira beamed from her chair across the room. She was dressed in a pair of footy pajamas with test tubes all over them.   
"Yes, any friend of Momiji's is a friend of ours," Ryoko added, nudging Kome in the foot.   
She was listening to some very loud rock and roll music on her headphones, not paying much attention to what was going on.   
Ryoko finally few impatient and kicked her again, causing her to spray the soda she was drinking all across the room.   
"HOLY- GOD DAMMIT WOMAN, YOU SCARED THE LIVING..." she burst out, her eyes looking about ready to bust out of her head.   
"Sorry Kome, but it's really pretty rude to listen to your music that loudly when we have a guest," Ryoko scolded.   
"Yeah, this is supposed to be a slumber party! It's no fun if you listen to music by yourself the whole time," Momiji nodded.   
Begrudgingly, Kome unplugged her headphones and shut off her tape player, glaring shiftily at the others. "Fine... Well then, if I'm going to be forced to take off my headphones, then I wanna hear some good old fashioned slumber party brand girly talk!"   
"OOOH!" giggled the others.   
"I wanna know who you all like, why you like 'em, any close encounters that may have come up, and all the dreams you've had about them!" Kome announced, counting off the points on her fingers.   
Akiko giggled playfully. "Truth or Dare?"   
"That comes later, when we've all had a lot of sugar digested into our systems," Matsu assured her.   
"Ah..." Akiko nodded, a bit shyly. She turned to Momiji with a mischievous grin on her face. "So Momiji... Who is it that YOU like?"   
Momiji turned as red as a tomato, and smiled softly. "Oh... well, I really like my boyfriend..."   
The TAC women snickered and shook their heads.   
The Kushinada let out a depressed sigh, and shook her head as well. "Well, I WISH he was my boyfriend. His name is Mamoru Kusanagi..."   
The TAC women all giggled immaturely, and Akiko's eyes lit up. "Mamoru Kusanagi huh...? Let's see... Momiji Kusanagi... That sounds perfect!"   
"AKIKO! I don't like him enough to... ah... MARRY him or anything!" Momiji scolded indignantly. "I just really, really have a crush on him, I suppose."   
"WHY?" Kome gaped. "He's a big pervert and he has no sense of fashion! And he's always beating us to jobs!"   
"I know... but he's so sweet," Momiji cooed. "And he's really handsome, and he saves my life all the time... And I just LOVE his mitamas."   
  
The TAC women nodded appreciatively, but Akiko pulled a spit-take with her soda.   
"Wh...what?" she murmured in shock. "His... mitamas?"   
"Yeah. You know... His MITAMAS," Ryoko explained, making a downward gesture.   
Akiko turned brilliant red. "Momiji! I never would have thought you'd like someone for a reason like that!"  
"What's wrong with it?" Momiji asked, sounding a bit hurt. "His mitamas are so beautiful, the way they glisten in the sunlight when he takes off his coat."   
"Mmm... I just love watching him when his mitamas are showing," Matsu sighed.   
"And I have to admit, you wouldn't expect someone like him to have such big mitamas, either," Ryoko admitted.   
Akiko played with the tap of her soda can nervously, smiling like she didn't know what to say. "Um..."  
Kome piped up. "I like his mitamas too. They remind me of grenades... No, of bazookas. Anything that reminds me of a bazooka gets me hot and bothered."   
Akiko was blushing furiously now... Exactly what had happened to Momiji to make her think like that?   
"So... um... right..." she murmured.   
"So how many does he have now?" asked Ryoko.  
"Seven. To be perfect, he needs eight," Momiji explained.  
"SEVEN!? I thought you only were supposed to have two!" Akiko gasped.  
"Of course not. I've never heard of someone with only two!" Momiji giggled. "They either have one, seven, or eight... I think."   
"That sounds about right. And boy, are all seven of them perfect in every way..." Matsu giggled.  
"Last time he held me," Momiji breathed dreamily. "I could feel his mitamas moving... Like they were tingling to be near me."   
Akiko burst out with disgust. "Oh my GOD."  
"Yeah, isn't that weird?" Momiji gasped.   
"Very weird! I wonder why his mitamas become so active when you're around, Momiji," Matsu pondered, her mind racing with research possibilities.   
"Maybe it's cause he LIIIIKES YOU!" Ryoko giggled.   
"I really hope so!" Momiji beamed. "I've dreamed of a man with mitamas like his ever since I was a little girl!"   
"I have to admit, Momiji," Kome sighed, "There should really be more guys with big, fat mitamas like his."   
"I agree fully," Matsu nodded. "If my husband had had mitamas like THAT, I tell you what, we wouldn't have gotten divorced."   
"Yaegashi could definitely used a full set of mitamas," Kome snickered.   
"And while Daitetsu is certainly good enough on his own," Ryoko began, "I would love it if he had some mitamas I could feel..."   
Akiko had begun to resemble a large red radish sitting on the bed. "I can't believe what I'm hearing!"   
"What's the matter Akiko? Haven't you ever seen mitamas?" asked Momiji.  
"No! And I didn't intend to until I got married!" she gaped. "I can't believe what you've been saying, Momiji!"   
Momiji raised her eyebrows. "Oh... I'm sorry... You feel left out, don't you? I'm really sorry... I didn't mean for you to feel bad."  
Akiko looked hurt. "Well I do, Momiji... I can't believe you're like this now!"   
"Oh dear... was it something we did?" asked Matsu with concern.   
"Maybe we should SHOW HER some mitamas," Kome suggested, shrugging boorishly.   
Akiko's eyes nearly burst out of her skull. "WHAT?!"   
"That might make her feel better," Ryoko shrugged. "Momiji, where's Kusanagi now?"  
"I'm not sure!" she said honestly. "But... now that I think about it... Akiko, you really would like his mitamas."  
"Momiji!" Akiko gaped.  
"When he's standing there in front of you in his TRUE form, with that beautifully sculpted frame of his and the sweat shining in the sun, his mitamas standing out in their full glory..." Momiji breathed. "Oh, he's so hot."   
"Just seeing those shining, round, blue mitamas there, swelling up off of his body... Makes me think about him lying naked on my operating table... I have to go boil a test tube before I start thinking naughty thoughts," Matsu admitted.   
"That greenish-whatever color is it hair drifting in the wind, and those mitamas shivering in the cold, burying into his skin..." Ryoko sighed.   
"Yeah, even though I really like Yaegashi, I'd give anything to touch those mitamas," Kome snickered.  
"Me too... I've never touched one!" Ryoko replied.   
"I would just LOVE to touch one of his!" Matsu smiled. "They're so shiny and perfect..."  
"I know you've said they really ache sometimes, Momiji, but OH, IT'S WORTH IT TO WATCH!" Ryoko beamed.   
"Yeah, they cause him a lot of pain sometimes," Momiji sighed. "It makes me feel terrible for liking them so much when they're glowing and burning and he's rolling around on the ground screaming."   
"He has VD!?" Akiko gasped.  
The other turned to her confusedly.  
"Who said that?" asked Kome. "They just burn sometimes, Momiji said."   
"Yeah... Mine burns sometimes too," she admitted.  
"WHAAAT?!" Akiko gasped. "Momiji! You... you have...?"   
"Oh yeah. I have a mitama," Momiji smiled. "Just one... It was a terrible accident that left me with that one mitama..."   
"You wanna see it?" asked Kome.   
"DEAR GOD, NO!" Akiko shrieked. "Momiji, you're SICK!"  
"What!?" she gasped. "Akiko, what do you mean?"  
"You're all going on and on about some guy's... UGH, MITAMAS!" Akiko spat. "That's disgusting! I don't want to hear about that! And then Momiji, you're all going on about how you've got a mitama too! ICK! THAT'S GROSS! I don't know WHAT these freaks have done to you Momiji, but I can't stand to be here any longer! BYE!"   
With that, she threw her things into her duffel bag and stomped out of the house in a fuming rage.   
  
"What's HER problem?" gaped Kome.   
"You'd think she never heard of a mitama before!" Matsu nodded.  
"Sorry Momiji... We didn't mean to cause a fight between you and your friend," Ryoko sighed.   
"Don't worry about it, Miss Takeuchi," Momiji said sadly. "I'll write her a letter or something... But I can't believe she was so upset about my mitama!"   
She pulled down the front of her pajamas only slightly to reveal her own mitama, glowing pale blue and sending a warm feeling through her chest and into her body. "I mean... it's not that gross, is it?"  
"No, of course not. It's very cute," Matsu assured her.  
"If you had TWO mitamas, it'd be pretty gross, but just the one is fine," Kome told her. "Don't worry about whatever what's-her-name said."  
"But I wonder why she got so upset..." Ryoko pondered.   
  
Outside the window, Kusanagi was watching. He turned from inside Momiji's room to down the street, where Akiko was sitting at a bus stop and counting the change in her pocket to see if she could afford a ride home.  
"Yeah, what's her problem?" he snorted.   
"Some girls have NO taste in men."  
  
~END! 


	3. Murakumo VS Kusanagi: Round 13, I think?

IM-MITAMA-TURITY!  
  
A/N: That's right. I'm back... AGAIN. FWAHAHAHA.   
  
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The streets of Tokyo were quiet and normal that morning, like they usually were. People walked down the street happily, peacefully making their way to work or school or home, depending on who you were talking about. Nobody seemed to think anything was out of the ordinary, especially in the park.   
The vendors on the street near the park were having a great business day, and a classroom full of little kids were there on a field trip. Dogs and their owners played in the grass, and old ladies and old men sat on the park benches, throwing bread crumbs to the pigeons. It was quite a peaceful scene.   
Suddenly, the ground began to rumble near a small stone shrine in one corner of the park. Someone was standing nearby it, a wicked look in his eyes.   
He leaned over and placed his hand on the shrine, and it began to emit a whining glow.   
"Fwahaha," he snickered evilly. "Now, whenever I order it, this Aragami creature will awaken and blow all the pitiful humans in this park to kingdom come. Fwahaha. My perfect plan will never fail for I, Murakumo, the perfect one, have seen to it that it will not fail, and that it will work perfectly."   
"Think again, Spanky."   
Murakumo narrowed his eyes and spun around to see Kusanagi standing there, his arms crossed over his chest. He glared at his rival and smiled smugly.   
"Oh NO. Not you again. You're quite a pest, Kusanagi!" Murakumo growled.  
"Nyaaah, you won't beat me this time!" Kusanagi teased. "I've seen to that!"  
"Why won't you ever give up? That's precisely the same thing you said to me not only in countless episodes of our series in which I always ended up kicking your ass, but in that really cheesy Mah-Jong omake theater."   
"You're WRONG!" Kusanagi yelled. "I DID beat you in the last episode! And I WOULD have beaten you in that omake, had we actually been playing Mah-Jong."   
"Regardless, I have no time for you today, you imperfect loser," Murakumo announced, shaking his head. "Though my perfect self would really like nothing perfectly better than to kick your ass yet again, I have my afternoon schedule planned out perfectly, and will not let an imperfect loser like you ruin the perfectness of my perfect schedule."   
"'Perfectness' isn't a word,' Kusanagi pointed out. "And just what is it that's so important for you to do this afternoon?"  
"First, I must wreak havoc on the human world by finding a bunch of sleeping demons and monsters and Aragami gods and waking them up and siccing them on the city," Murakumo explained. "At 3:00 I have a hair appointment, and at 3:30 I'm getting the blade on my arm sharpened. At 4:00 I have to take my daughter to play group, and at 4:30 I have a coffee date with a really hot willow tree. At 5:00 I have to pick up my daughter again and take her home for dinner, and at 5:30 I have to intercept the pizza I preordered at 10:00 this morning. At 6:00, after preparing suitable drinks and snacks, I must greet all of my daughter's friends as they come in the door for her birthday slumber party, and let them loose on the pizza. At 6:30, we open presents, and I take pictures and say such things as 'Oh, that's so cool!" and 'Oh, Sakura, you know just what my little pumpkin-noodle likes!'. At 7:00, I slip in a monster movie and comfort the screaming girls while catching up on a little reading for my book club. At 8:30, upon completion of the monster movie, I lead the girls in a round of Truth or Dare, and giggle insanely at all of their deliciously juicy gossip about boys at school, none of whom I know but whose names I will remember in case they ever come home hoping to date my darling little girl. Then at 9:30, I will tuck my daughter and her friends into bed, and then spend the remainder of the evening watching Trading Spaces and various gardening shows. AND THAT IS WHY I HAVE NO TIME TO BATTLE YOU TODAY!"   
"... Funny... I didn't know you had a daughter," Kusanagi said in surprise.   
"I don't seem like the type, do I, swinging bachelor that I am?" Murakumo chuckled.   
"How long does it take to do your hair?" asked Kusanagi.   
"About half an hour," Murakumo replied. "I take care of my hair every day, to keep it looking perfectly shiny and perfect."   
"Well I think your hair looks fine," Kusanagi shrugged, turning away and heading off down the path. "... For an ugly stupid butthead like you."  
"WHAAAT?!" Murakumo growled. "HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY HAIR!? YOU SHALL DIE TODAY, KUSANAGI!"   
"That's what I'm talkin' about!" Kusanagi laughed, clenching his fists. His arm blades and long hair shoulder plates and all that fun stuff burst out of his body, ripping yet another perfectly good trenchcoat. He pulled a small notepad out of the pocket of his jeans, scribbling down something with a pencil he happened to have on hand. "Note to self- visit Bisho Depot and buy a new coat."   
Murakumo clenched his fists, and his big arm bladey things and longer hair and creepy eyes and shoulder plates popped out of his body as well. Blue electricity burst out of his mitamas and coursed through his body. "WE FIGHT NOW, KUSANAGI!"   
"Ready when you are, Buttercup," Kusanagi yelled, hurling himself at the enemy.   
  
"78.5, Code Six 105 North Avenue 52!" screamed Cop #1 into his two-way radio, as he and his partner sped down the streets of Tokyo on their way to the park. "We've got two unidentified males duking it out in the sky, and a crapload of civilians standing around there! Send backup immediately, this could get ugly."  
Cop #2, a woman, skidded to a halt in front of the park, and checked to see that the gun in her shoulder holster was loaded. "I'm ready for anything..."   
"Let's get out there!" #1 said, throwing open the squad car door and leaping out, following #2 into the park.   
It was an amazing sight. Kusanagi and Murakumo, looking like streaks in the sky, were soaring around, slashing and crashing together and yelling insults and generally having a good old-fashioned beatdown with each other. They appeared to be evenly matched, for no matter what sort of mystical powers they attempted to use against each other, they both remained in fighting shape.   
"Who in the heck are they?" #1 asked worriedly as the two cops took their places next to the others from their squadron who'd beat them there.   
"They're amazing!" #2 gasped. "Look at them fight!"  
#1 looked nervous. "And look at all these civilians! I hope no one gets hurt!"   
The chief, who happened to overhear their conversation, shook his head and took a sip of coffee. "Don't worry about it #1, #2. This sort of thing has been happening more often lately. I'm sure they'll just finish their fight and move on. We just have to be here in case..."  
"MY MITAMAS ARE GONNA RIP YOU APART!" Kusanagi screamed.   
The chief pulled a spit-take, and every police officer in the park stared with wide eyes up at the battling duo.   
"WHAT did he say?!" gasped the chief.  
#1 was brilliant red. "Something about his... mitamas."   
  
"You fool!" Murakumo shouted from up above them. "Your mitamas are no match for mine!"  
"Mine are just the same as yours! We're evenly matched! Your mitamas are just as big as mine!" Kusanagi retorted. "And now that I have 8, the same as you, there's no reason why I shouldn't beat you into the ground!"   
"You have 8 suddenly?" Murakumo gasped.  
"Yeah! Momiji gave me hers!"   
All of the cops below them dropped their jaws at once.   
"It was a terrible accident, that left her with that one mitama..." Kusanagi growled. "And it was your fault, Murakumo! I'll kill you!"   
"Bwahaha! You wish!" he snarled, lunging at Kusanagi.   
#2 nudged her partner. "Are they allowed to talk like that in public?"   
#1 shrugged. "I don't know... There are children in this park, though! We should really make them stop talking like that."  
"AHAHAHAHA! I can feel my mitamas sending power coursing all through my body!" Murakumo cried.  
"Mommy... what's that mean?" asked a nearby innocent little girl.  
"AGGH, COVER THEIR EARS!" her mommy shrieked, covering the ears of her darling daughter.   
"Face it, Kusanagi! Until your mitamas are as perfect as mine, you will never defeat me!"   
"Your mitamas aren't perfect! I've seen them! One of them is shriveled, and one leans a little to the left!" Kusanagi shot back.   
A wave of female officers were knocked back by their sudden nosebleeds.   
"THE CHILDREN! SOMEONE PLEASE, THINK OF THE INNOCENT CHILDREN!" screamed a man.   
"My mitamas are PERFECT! They're round and blue and shiny and they glow in the dark! Yours are small and pale and shriveled up like prunes!" Murakumo laughed.   
"First of all, it's PC to call them DRIED PLUMS!" Kusanagi yelled. "And second of all, you've only BEGUN to see the power of my mitamas! I can feel them sending power all through my body... They're making me stronger than ever!"   
"Ewwwwww..." gagged #1.   
"And now, my mitamas will charge up a huge electric laser beam and blow you out of the sky!"   
"You fool!" Murakumo cried. "Mine can do that too!"  
"Uh hey, YEAH!" yelled a random bum sitting on a park bench. "My mitamas can do that!"   
"Dear GOD, they'll all be scarred for life!" yelled the schoolteacher, trying to help the parental chaperones to tie earmuffs onto their kids' heads.   
"Why... why can't I hit you!?" screamed Kusanagi. "No matter what I do, it's like you're always guarding me!"  
"HAHAHAHA! My mitamas have a mind of their own, and they think and steer my body!" Murakumo yelled.  
"I find that to be the case with most men," #2 grumbled under her breath.   
"That's it! It's time to get serious!" Kusanagi screamed, as blue energy advanced through his body, sending his mitamas pulsating with power. "I CAN FEEL THEM THROBBING WITH POWER! AND NOW YOU'LL FEEL THAT POWER, MURAKUMO!"  
"I'm like, so scared of your imperfect little mitamas," Murakumo sniggered cruelly.   
"It's not the size that counts! It's how you use them!" screamed a random man.   
"I'LL RIP EVERY MITAMA FROM YOUR BODY!" Kusanagi yelled.   
"YEAH! Go Lorena Bobet on his ass, man!" cried a bunch of fangirls, probably including the author.   
"TIME FOR THE FINAL CHARGE!" both Murakumo and Kusanagi screamed.   
Blue electricity riveted all around both of them.  
"YOU'LL BE FEELING MY MITAMAS IN A MOMENT!" cried Murakumo.  
"MINE WILL BE RIPPING THROUGH YOUR SKIN!" Kusanagi cried back.   
There was suddenly a loud popping noise, and the dramatic charge ended abruptly.  
  
Something wide and heavy slammed into the both of them, knocking them down on the ground. It appeared to be a huge net.   
Suddenly, both of them were covered in at least fifty officers, holding them down and beating them with nightsticks and their bare hands and steel-toed boots.  
"OW! OW! OW!" screamed Murakumo.  
"WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA!?" yelled Kusanagi.   
"YOU CAN'T TALK LIKE THAT IN PUBLIC! YOU TWO ARE UNDER ARREST FOR INDECENT... um... INDECENT... INDECENT DIALOGUE!" the chief screamed. "Cuff 'em, boys! Take them downtown!"   
  
Five minutes later, Murakumo and Kusanagi, both back in their normal forms and magically reclothed, were seated in the back of a squad car, crossing their arms over their chests and looking peeved.  
"Jeez, what a bunch of jerks!" Kusanagi grumbled. "It's none of their business what we do."  
"I agree perfectly," Murakumo mumbled angrily. "Now I'm going to miss my hair appointment and be late picking up my daughter."  
"Some people just don't respect the value of a good battle to the death anymore," Kusanagi sighed, shaking his head sadly.  
"You are so right," Murakumo agreed.   
  
~END! 


End file.
